Does God Really Love You?

After much contemplation and a great conversation with a new friend in a coffee shop last week, I thought that maybe now is a better time than any to start putting in writing some of my thoughts and basically talk about my journey over the past 40 years of life. Now before the critiques start coming on my "wonderful" writing skills, remember I have never been good at putting thoughts on paper, but very good at communicating one on one.  So for those who have known me, just imagine I am right there in front of you, face to face, sharing with you what I am actually typing.  For those who don't know me, well just use your imagination. So... here goes.

This first post was inspired by 2 events, a new friend "Steve", as he was sharing his story and it occurred to me that people really need hope and it sometimes can only come by others personal journey's being shared.  Then, second, by recent comments on my Facebook page (on this particular post)-you can read through the comments yourself and get caught up :) it will definitely help you!

In short, "Steve" (as mentioned above) has been a worship minister/pastor for over 50 years as well as a school teacher for many of those years, but several years ago had his life radically changed when his sexuality came into light.  The church he was a part of would no longer have anything to do with him because "Steve" wasn't attracted to women-he was gay, even though at the time he didn't even put that label on himself-but others did.  "Steve" went through all types of rejection like most do in the church or at least have in most churches when dealing with the reality of being gay and did everything he could to try and cope or even "get better or healed."  After going through extensive reparative therapy, he decided, instead of turning his back on God, to try and find a place where he was welcomed while still seeking and growing his relationship with his Father God.  While at this particular church, he spotted a former individual who was in a bible study group he used to have and approached him, a little embarrassed at first, but wanting to know if he was gay and why he didn't share that earlier with him.  The individual's response, I didn't know I could share it, I thought I was all alone.

Well to "Steve", his friend and all those out there who have "struggled" in your daily walk with your sexuality and how to reconcile it with your journey before God?  You are not alone!  Over the past many years, anyone associated with being gay or lesbian has been rejected by "God" or the church that represents Him and because of that, many have turned their back on God only because really feeling or believing that He has turned His back on them.  Well He hasn't!  I understand and know this feeling.  I experienced it personally. My life was radically altered when my sexuality came into the light back in 2001.

I didn't understand why I liked guys?  I thought it was a disease, or most vividly a sin I thought I couldn't kick for all of my previous years. I wanted God to love me but thought he never would while I liked the same sex (because I wasn't gay). The problem was I couldn't pray long or hard enough, go to enough youth camps to confess it away, go to counseling to change my mind set, get the demons cast out, fast or even sing  more sincere worship songs crying out to God to change me-He didn't! or...maybe He did?

You see as I bring this first blog to a close, this is for one group of people, the ones who need hope or know someone who does, who seems to be "struggling" with their sexuality and your relationship with God.  I'm sure I will hear from all sorts of people, just like you have, about how you can't love God and be Gay, how you can change or be repaired, but I am here to tell you that God loves me and You!  I mean He really does love me and the change in my heart and mind that I have experienced is so very real.  My relationship is not hindered or crippled because of my sexuality but because of my transparency! I have experienced a closeness to Him that I have never had.

In the days to come, I will have many follow up blogs with more details of my story and how my journey has made me into the man I am now, one that loves God and wants others to know that He loves them too!  So in closing I want to close with the words of a song by SixxAM that a buddy of mine played for me a few years back-thanks M!  It is actually the inspiration for writing my story. Until next time...

Paint yourself a picture, of what you wish you looked like

Maybe then they just might, feel an ounce of your pain

Come into focus, step out of the shadows

It’s a loosing battle, there’s no need to be ashamed

Cause they don’t even know you, all they see is scars

They don’t see the Angel living in your heart

Let them find a real you, buried deep within

Let them know with all you got that you are not your skin

When they start to judge you, show them your true colors,

And do unto others, as you have done to you

Just rise above this, kill them with your kindness

Ignorance is blindness, their the ones that stand to lose

Cause they don’t even know you, all they see is scars

They don’t see the Angel living in your heart

Let them find a real you, buried deep within

Let them know with all you got that you are not your skin

Remember-You Are LOVED!!

Eric Lovett